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What it's like to have perinatal depression and anxiety as a new dad

About one in 20 men experience depression during their partner's pregnancy, and one in 10 struggle with depression after their child's birth.



Help is available, but many men don't know where to find it — or how to recognise the signs and symptoms.


We spoke to two men who experienced mental health issues during the early days of fatherhood.


Here, in their words, they talk about what it was like, how they found support and what they learned along the way.


Where you can get help:

  • Your GP can provide advice, support, referrals and treatments for mental and physical health issues

  • Perinatal Anxiety and Depression Australia (PANDA) runs a national helpline that can provide support and referrals for men, women and families affected by perinatal mental illness — 1300 726 306

  • MensLine is a men's mental health service with 24/7 support — 1300 78 99 78

  • Lifeline provides crisis support and suicide prevention services — 13 11 14


'That experience changed my life': David




David Edwards is 34 and has two children, aged six and four. He lives in Brisbane.

About six years ago, my son was born. He came out of the womb screaming, and he kept screaming for the better part of 12 months.


There were lots and lots of sleepless nights in the early weeks and months, and it was just really difficult. And we found out that he had reflux.


I had five weeks off on paternity leave, and I guess, looking back, I think the anxiety started around that two- or three-week mark.


I was quite irritable, and I was quite focused on the negatives of the experience. And I felt a lot of guilt. I had this sense that I had a simple job to do, and I wasn't fulfilling it.

Going into fatherhood, I had this sense that I'd be able to find the solution to any problems we encountered. But we learned very quickly that there was no quick fix for an unsettled baby, and that was something I struggled with.


On top of that, being the first couple in our group of friends to have a baby, we were quite isolated and alone. On the outside, I was trying to portray that I was keeping it together, but on the inside I knew I just wasn't feeling right.



There was a night, after lots of sleep deprivation and feeling this way, that I went in to try and settle my son. And I felt like I had this out-of-body experience, and I screamed my head off at him.

It was totally out of character. I'm a very relaxed person. And at that point, I just remember I felt I was capable of doing anything, and that was really scary.

That was the first time I'd really displayed the fact that I wasn't coping, and I think it was a turning point for me.


I have an understanding of mental health from my professional life, so I started doing a few more self-care activities, just to manage through the days and the nights.

A few weeks afterwards, I went to see a doctor. I described my symptoms and how long they'd been going on, and they said it could be a sign of postnatal depression.

At the time, I didn't know men could experience postnatal depression, and I didn't know there was support available.


One of the things I learned was to put the oxygen mask on myself before trying to support my partner. Because I clearly wasn't able to do that very well at that time.

I also tried to be proactive about how I was feeling, and I developed some strategies for coping with the screaming. I would often go for a walk or put on my headphones and listen to calming music.

The key change for me was the realisation that I didn't necessarily need to have a fix or solution. It was about being comfortable with uncertainty. And being comfortable that being vulnerable is OK.

Going through that experience did change my life, because I was able to strip back some of that armour that was guarding people from seeing a vulnerable side.

It helped me be more open and recognise that life is difficult, and it's OK to feel stressed and anxious. And, I think those feelings are so much easier to deal with when there is that acknowledgement.


'I wasn't coping with work, I wasn't coping at home': Dean




Dean Rogut is 45, and lives in Melbourne with his wife and his eight-year-old son.

We had a very different pregnancy.

My wife went for her 12-week scan, and the sonographer found that she had almost already gone into labour because of an issue with her cervix.


So, she had an operation, and then was put on bed rest. And that was really difficult for her and her mental health.


At 24 weeks, my son was born, and it was the start of a very weird journey.

On day five, we were told we needed to come in to the hospital, because things weren't looking so good. We were told to go home, and then a few days later, he was transferred to another hospital for an operation on his bowel.


So we had the anxiety about the bed rest and worrying the baby would come early — and then we were worrying about the operation. And the anxiety kept building.

He ended up staying in hospital for about 120 days, and throughout that time we were just trying to be stoic. About six weeks in, I started seeing my wife was heading into depression again.


Dean and his wife both struggled after their son was born prematurely.(Supplied: Dean Rogut)

Still, I hadn't come to grips with what was happening to me. I felt like I wasn't checked in on, and no-one was really looking out for me. And, being a bloke, I wasn't looking out for me much either.


My son came home in early July, and I did really well for a couple of months. Then around the end of the year, I hit the wall — depression, anxiety, the whole mix.

I work as a mental health nurse, and at the time I was working in an inpatient unit. And I had to take time off because I wasn't coping with my work, and I wasn't coping with what was going on at home.


I saw a psychiatrist, and he basically put me in hospital for a couple of weeks, because of the way I was feeling and what was happening for me.

By the end of the year, I'd spent nine or 10 months supporting my wife, and I hadn't been supporting myself. And no-one saw the signs until it was too late.


I took some time to get some supports in place, because I needed it. I went back to see a psychologist, I had a psychiatrist in place and I was on medication for a while.

Another thing I did was to make sure I had some time to myself.

It was a wake-up call for me, and I knew I needed to look after myself. And my wife was really encouraging me to do that too.

It's something I still have to manage, and we still have difficult moments. But I'm better now at recognising those signs and knowing when I need to take a step back to look after myself.



Signs and symptoms to look out for

  • Constant tiredness or exhaustion

  • Ongoing headache, high physical stress levels, e.g. muscle tension

  • Loss of interest in things that were once enjoyed

  • Changes in appetite

  • Sleep problems (unrelated to baby's sleep)

  • Ongoing irritability, anger or moodiness

  • Emotional withdrawal from your partner, baby, family, friends

  • Fear of looking after your baby

  • Not wanting to communicate with your partner, family and friends

  • Feeling isolated

  • Using alcohol or drugs to 'escape' or cope

  • Thoughts of self-harm

Symptoms that last for more than two weeks should be discussed with a GP or other health professional.

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