Why people who don't want to be single are still single

Mark Manson is the #1 NYTimes Bestselling author of 'The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck' and ‘Everything is Fucked: A Book About Hope.”

Here he explains Three simple explanations for why people who don't want to be single are still single

1. They don't respect themselves

The respect and admiration you receive from others is proportional to the respect you receive from yourself. If you take care of yourself mentally, emotionally and physically, then others will be attracted to the prospect of taking care of you mentally, emotionally and yes, physically

Single and don't believe me? Try it for a month. Take care of yourself. Exercise and eat well. Sleep well at night. Work hard and plan ahead. Be social. Eliminate bad habits. Speak about your ideas without inhibition and expect nothing in return. Cure cancer. Rather than see the world in terms of ranking and competition, choose to see the world in terms of compatibility and incompatibility. Then take it on as your job to sort to find the compatibility.

2. They have absurd expectations

There are people who assume that any sort of disagreement or argument signals a deathly incompatibility and a future of pure misery, so they end it. There are people who expect the opposite sex to fall down and beg for their attention and affection and then get genuinely pissed off and vicious when they don’t.

There are people who think that because they shared a chicken basket and watched a Tom Hanks movie together, they're now owed a phone call every single day for the rest of their life. There are people who dream of a partner who is an entrepreneur, an athlete, who speaks seventeen languages, wakes up at 5AM to work out every day, and builds orphanages in Africa in their spare time. Until they find these imaginary partner, they refuse to "settle" for anyone less. Of course these people are still single.

3. They haven't developed the skills for intimacy

Generating intimacy in a relationship requires emotional investment and vulnerability. That means you need to open up about yourself in ways that may not be completely comfortable. It means exposing yourself. It means trusting others to not hurt you and knowing that you will be okay if they do. It requires you to share opinions and values that may polarize people and generate rejections. It requires you to be bold and take risks in going after what you want.

Mark Manson - Blogging and not giving a fuck since 2007.

Read more at http://markmanson.net/