A wife has given her husband an ultimatum she never thought she’d need to utter – either they have kids or she’ll leave him.
When Katy* and John* got married two years ago – they both wanted three kids.
“But we have had some conflicting views that have emerged since then. I want children, he’s unsure. (I’m willing to bring it down to one now.) We argue about this a lot, but have a pretty good marriage overall,” she posted on Reddit.
The couple are so committed to working things out that they are seeing a counsellor – but it’s been an extremely slow and tough path.
“We diligently go to couples therapy each week because of this change of mind (and other things) and our therapist has struggled to get a straight answer out of him. It’s not that he’s this horrible human being that is incapable of being a father … it’s just that he shows selfish tendencies like how I probably did at 20, except that he’s now 41.”
Katy went on to explain that John has abandonment issues “as a result of his parents basically walking out on him as a child”.
“We did move really fast in our relationship (house, car, marriage, etc). So, he’s a little overwhelmed and confused about whether he wants more responsibilities,” she said. “We are working on things with a therapist, but she anticipates it will take years before he feels secure enough to have children given his reluctance to admit such problems. We did and do communicate about this, just often it ends in frustration.” In fact, Katy is so fed up that she’s seriously considering giving her husband an ultimatum.
“WIBTA if I told him I want to have a baby within two years but if he doesn‘t want to, we should go our separate ways?” she asked the Am I The A**hole community. After almost 200 Redditors offering their point of view, Katy decided what it is she is going to do. “We did discuss it thoroughly, including which parental techniques we would use. So, yes, it’s been difficult and shocking, but I love him very much and worry most of all because I am the main breadwinner, but I will not simply walk out on him.”
However, she then promptly contradicts herself after saying she wouldn’t leave the love of her life. “I think we may need to part ways, which is why I want to be sure that I am not having isolated and biased thoughts,” she concludes. “I have mentioned that I would let him take some time to figure it out, but I don’t know when that time should be up. “We’ve also agreed that if he decides no, that we will divorce, but I’m afraid it’s enabled him to hang in ‘maybe’ for too long.”
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